AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
