I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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