I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
