I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
