I just saw a hot homeless man
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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