how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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