Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to align my fucking chakras
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
