I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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