Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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