you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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