just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
