i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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