Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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