Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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