Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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