Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
