I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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