Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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