How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
