you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
