He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
