Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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