"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
