last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
