There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize