Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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