he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
