I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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