And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Vodka?
Forever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
