My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
