I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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