I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
