he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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