he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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