Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
