If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
