he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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