I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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