If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize