I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
