I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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