His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
