you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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