I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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