And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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