The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize