he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
