I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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