Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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