tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
