I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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