Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
