Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.

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(712): View more from Iowa

in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.

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(812): View more from Indiana

It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.

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(630): View more from Illinois

So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could

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(845): View more from New York

I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just took the cheapest shot in your honor

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....

(1-540): View more from Virginia

I seemed to have misplaced my pants...

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(520): View more from Arizona

Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.

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(816): View more from Missouri

First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.

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