id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
