Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
pray to the hookup gods
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
