I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
