Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drake has all the answers
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
