bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
