Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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