I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
