There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
