i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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