I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
