i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
