As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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