He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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