this beer tastes like vomit already
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
