your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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