UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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