with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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