are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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