It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize