from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
