I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
