So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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