So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
