Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
