I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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