So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
