I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
